I'd like to share a story with you. Many years ago, I met a minister whom I perceived to be very wise and perceptive. I listened to her speak and her words met with my heart. We both believed the same principles and found comfort in self and global evolution. In spite of the fact that we shared these values, I perceived that she did not seem to have much appretiation for me. One day my path unfolded into a grand expansive experience from which, there was no return. This new state of mind left me with a sense of awareness, which could only be described, of having removed a thick blanket from my being. This left me hypersensitive and ultra-aware, far beyond my normal state of empathic sensitivity. I found various parts of my being, which I will refer to as shadow parts (ref. Carl Jung), emerging with great magnitude. It became all too apparent to me that I had, perhaps, become (what I refer to as) over-educated in the lingo of the soul-psyche experience. The concept of "parts" was not a new idea. In fact, they have been so familiar to me that I was sure I had a total grip on the "parts" within myself. After all, 25 years of soul-searching and personal growth must have had some effect. This intensified sense of awareness was here to stay, with all its attributes and its difficulties. Commonly known, "that which you find unpleasant in others is, actually, the very trait which is your own." At the risk of using a cliché: "it takes one to know one." Judgment can only be turned back upon itself. I found myself listening to this minister again (years later, after a long absence) and found myself holding her in contempt. I avoided the impulse to deny feelings of judgment; I simply attempted to observe the judgmental feelings. In this observation I found a "shadow part," a "judger," inside me, noticing every little innuendo and gesture that she demonstrated, which I deemed distasteful. That was when it occurred to me; these were the behaviors, which I found distasteful within myself. I had judged myself, for many years, for those very behaviors; nonetheless, on some very deep and buried level. What is significant here is that the deep level of judgment was not about denial; that would imply that it had been acknowledged. It went far past denial. It actually came as a shock and I found myself exposed, vulnerable and raw. Only then did I realize that it was not she who did not like me, it was me whom I did not like. In the New Thought venue, this is not news. It was the good old, "you must love yourself in order to love others." However, now it was driven home.Having done affirmations for 25 years, and studying endless consciousness growth paths, has given me a sizable knowledge base from which to rationalize myself into a position beyond denial. It was in clearing a deep and insidious belief system that I able to begin using the tools, acquired throughout my life, more effectively. Again, I ask those elusive questions. Where is that belief system? Is it in your skull? Your brain? Your big toe? ...maybe it is in your big toe! Maybe it is buried in various tissues of your body, just awaiting your discovery.
